“Boys and girls at your age are never ‘just friends’”. That’s what my dad told me when I was in middle school, this unspoken truth he had been introduced to from the movie called ‘When Harry Met Sally’. In the movie (which I would happen to watch at a friend's house a few years later), Harry claims to Sally that a girl and boy between the ages of roughly 13-25 cannot be super close friends without at least one having some sort of romantic feelings for the other. I was too young to understand what my dad meant when he shared this with me after I had found out my guy best friend liked me. When I first watched this late 80s movie a few weeks ago with a friend, that scene and that unspoken truth totally made sense. I am not going to make the crazy generalization that ALL super duper close friendships between heterosexual guys and girls aren’t really just friendships but I think it’s pretty safe to say that there’s a high chance that at least one or both of the friends could possibility have some other feelings involved.
So you’re falling in deep for your guy best friend… well so is every other teen girl ever or maybe she’s actually trying hard to subtly reject him. The big question at hand that you’ve most definitely been fretting over is: do I act on this feeling? If I’m rejected will it ruin the friendship? If we date and then break up will our friendship be lost forever?
Back in June, I asked Emma Topp to share her experiences with liking a guy best friend in an interview I did with her for the blog. She explained in the interview something that really resonated with me and my readers. Emma advised that you have to be so completely confident in your friendship with someone that even if it wasn’t going to work out between you guys, you could bounce back and still hold on to that friendship.
Gonna be 100% honest, I’ve never had a guy best friend… let alone like my guy best friend. But after I hit 10K on Instagram I’m truly so happy that the Dear Monday Fam could share their tips and advice about guy best friends - for the sole purpose of having the ability to add a clickable link to my Instagram story on an anonymous form. You guys really pulled through with some stellar advice that I totally incorporated into these answers….
Here is some amazing advice, all thanks to YOU!
Is it worth telling my guy best friend that I like him? How do I do it?
When it comes to telling a guy that you like him, it’s sometimes more about showing than telling. Test the waters with a bit more physical touch or banter than usual and see how he responds. Here’s a quote that a follower shared: “I feel like if you know for certain he doesn’t like you, then it’s not worth it and will probably ruin the friendship. If you’re not sure, try flirting a bit and see if he reciprocates. If you know he likes you and you like him, maybe hint at it casually but don’t do all the work for him. If you’re the one that has to put in all the effort it’s not worth it.” PREACH PREACH PREACH! I agree with every word. I like that part about don’t do all the work for him… boy’s might be a little clueless but most guys can pick up on a vibe if you’re putting one out there. If he really does like you back, you’ll know it. He should feel confident enough to act on his feelings for you, and if he doesn’t, would you even want him?
What if he doesn’t like me back?
Whether it’s a guy best friend or a crush in general, you have to realize that your time is valuable and that you are a priority to yourself. Moving on can be really really difficult, especially when it’s a guy you’ve liked for ages and spent so much time around. But what’s even harder is waiting around for someone who might never feel the same way you do. A follower added “Moving on is a good thing in my opinion. We are closer than ever and I can always count on him to make me laugh when I have a bad day.” I commend this follower for realizing that some things are just better as friends. To shine light on the other perspective, my best friend recently swerved her guy best friend who was leaning in to kiss her. She was super uncomfortable and didn’t have those same feelings for him. It didn’t make him a bad dude and it also doesn’t mean that he’s not the sweetest or not good looking... It just means she wanted to be friends and that’s it. Will things be slightly different and more awkward for them? Sure, but it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have told her or acted on this feelings. Their friendship is not ruined in the slightest and it’s better to just be honest and put your feelings out there when you’re ready.
Is it possible to date your best friend without ruining the friendship?
Yes, most definitely. Because you guys have that foundation of being best friends, a romantic relationship might just be an extension of your friendship… and maybe a bit more physical action lol. Remember to take it slow and “wait until you’re both completely ready. Communication is key in this scenario.” Talk to your guy best friend (now boyfriend??) about your intentions. Be up front in the beginning and vocalize how you want your romantic relationship to be different or more enhanced than your friendship. What boundaries do you want to set? What new things do you want to do together? Have those conversations in the beginning so you’re not wondering a week in about what’s going on.
We got this!!!!
Sophia