Ask Sophia: "I'm basically a door"

"WHY DON'T I HAVE HIPS!? Why don't I have boobs? Why have I only got my period twice! I do gymnastics so I'm basically a door. I thought it was funny at first and I don't really care about what people say, but now I'm just like wow. They are getting to me and I'm not at a point that I'm gonna do anything to myself, but they are getting to me. It's boys that say stuff like that. It's so annoying. How do I keep going on every day like this? I just don't know how to do it. how do I love myself Sophia, how? Serious question... how do u get hips and boobs?" -Anonymous

First off, I want you to know that I ask myself this question every day. Seriously every day. Why don’t I have hips? Why am I door? Over the summer, when whipped coffee and Chloe Ting were all the rage, I really thought that love handle and hip dip correcting exercises would solve all my problems. Turns out they didn’t and I’m sitting here wondering why girls will never be attractive to the male eye if we don’t fit that standard… because we’re not perfect. The media presents us with a Kardashian bubble butt and hourglass figure. Even closer to home, I bet you have girls in your grade who you envy and the boys drool over. The girl sits back on her calves as she poses on a sandy beach in a cheeky high cut bikini bottom. Her hips crease perfectly which give the illusion of the ideal butt while she manages to maintain a flat stomach. Then you’ll comment ‘unreal’. But again, these are poses, the Kardashians are plastic, and the standard is false. These bodies are NOT actually real. But even if we figured that out, this doesn’t really matter to boys. We live in an over sexualized world where the boys in your school memorize racy, provocative rap song lyrics, have unlimited access to quench their horny thirsts online, and expect that every girl they see in a porn video is the norm. But here’s some food for thought…

1. Maturity:

The things these boys are saying to you… calling you a door, harassing you about your body, fueling your insecurities, it all stems from their lack of maturity. I truly believe that after middle school, high school, and even college frat boys, there will be a point where thinking about the perfection or hotness of your body is so irrelevant. I have this one friend who I think is SO beautiful but she isn’t the most curvy. Obviously right now that's a top priority for teen boys but I know that one day it’s just not going to matter and boys will notice that she is beautiful and not just ‘hot’. You don’t want to be known for being ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’, in the long run you want boys to be drawn to you for your intelligence and beauty.

2. Growing into your body:

Don’t complain about your body just yet. The girl who wrote this question is 13. You have so much time!!!!! This relates to the question about sporadic periods but I know that girls who are very athletic tend to get their periods and develop later. But really any 13 or 14 year old: you guys still need to grow into your bodies. They’re in this period of change that only really ends at 17, sometimes later. Also, being a late bloomer is completely normal. I’m not a doctor but if something is really strange regarding your period or anything like that definitely speak to your doctor. Now if you are older, maybe in high school, and have pretty much come to terms with the fact that your body will not be changing anymore, I would try to really show off your best attributes. It’s impossible to be skinny and really curvy. (Also shoutout to both parts 1 and 2 on a recent blog post on boobs with tips for small boobs and big boobs!) At some point boys will realize that they need a girl with substance. Someone who’s interesting and has a solid personality. Appearance cannot buy you everything and most of the time those girls are just being used.

3. Comebacks:

It seems like there's a group of boys who are continuously taunting you. It must be frustrating to just walk away silently and act unfazed, but also fighting fire with fire doesn’t make anything better. My suggestion to you would be to approach a boy who says these hurtful things and straight up ask him in a really calm and sincere way, “Why do you keep making fun of my body? It doesn’t make me feel good at all.” That's it.

Exercise to feel good, eat healthy if you can (i'll write a post), and let your body blossom. Do not ever let a day go by without reminding yourself that who you are as a person is 10000% more important than what cup size you wear or how big your butt is in leggings. Ya be insecure, that's normal, that’s ok, but don’t let a boys stupid comments ever let you doubt yourself. DM me on Instagram or email me (dearmondayblog@gmail.com). I am ALWAYS here for you!!!!

You got this,

Sophia