Ask Sophia: "How do we STOP comparing"

Q: "How do we STOP comparing ourselves to other girls?? i’ve been catching myself doing it a LOT lately"

Hey queen,

This Ask Sophia is perfect timing because we all just started back at school and I just know we’re all over the place right now. Ahhhh being back is so chaotic.

Ok I just have to come out and say that comparing yourself to other girls and just being jealous and insecure is VALID and NORMAL!!!!! We all do this. It’s a part of the teen girl thing we all go through. I know it hurts and it’s very consuming, but this feeling just never really goes away. It does, however, get better. You’ll grow to love yourself and appreciate the life you were given. When you compare yourself a lot or experience intense jealousy, someone telling you to ‘be more confident’ or ‘love yourself’ is probably just as good as not hearing that extremely unhelpful, cliche advice all together. How does one just be more confident? Changing your entire mindset isn’t that easy.

Confidence is not linear: there are moments where u feel so hot it’s unreal and then other moments that just suckkkk and you’re wondering ‘why her and not me’ or ‘I wish I looked like her’ or ‘I want what she has’. Honestly, tiktok has been bad for me lately and it’s subconsciously been messing with my head. My for you page is all sorts of screwed up and ALL OF IT is pretty people doing dances or just standing there... I forget that only a few select people are this drop dead gorgeous and that’s why they blow up. On a seperate note, people also just do not look in person how they present themselves online. This past weekend, I saw a lot of mutual friends at an event and was stunned at how different everyone truly looks in person. It’s shocking but also relieving to know that the standard we see online is completely fake. Anyway, I think being very direct and specific about the things in your life that can cause you to compare yourself to these things is important. So this could be tiktok, a certain friend group, partys, snapchat, instagram, or even a friend that just makes you feel so yucky. Ok now cut it out!!!! BE GONE. Literally remove these sources of comparison or take a break. It’s not healthy for you.

More philosophically: When someone has something you don’t it’s like we see them as competition. Tbh, what are we really competing for? Maybe you admire them because they have nice hair or teeth or boobs… well you have pretty eyes. They have a cute fit. Well you have a cute fit too. People are jealous of you and you never even know it. You’re not competing for a prize. The more you think about her and what she has, the less you think about things that actually matter and being successful (whether that be enjoying the company of your family, supporting your friends, or excelling at school or at an extracurricular). At the end of the day being jealous is a waste of time… set goals for yourself to be a better person. That makes sense. Don’t wish to look like her or talk like her or act like her. You never will.

People like you, girl. People think you’re pretty. You ARE pretty. You’ve got everything going on and it’s gonna work out!

We got this,

Sophia